Acceptance

I’m going a bit out of order here, but I wanted to get this down while it was still fresh.

River has been having some libido issues. She says for months. I say for years. She’s going to see about getting them addressed. In the meantime I don’t want to be pressuring her every five minutes to fuck, like I usually do. That cannot be good for her libido. So she suggests that I jack off. She doesn’t think much of my suggestion that I just hang out on the street and ask women whether they’d like to fuck. And I’d probably like jacking off more than I’d like propositioning random women. So, jacking off it is.

I used to jack off a lot, but not so much any more. There are a couple of reasons. First, I’ve been getting (almost) enough fucking, and second, I’ve got ED issues. “And you don’t want to waste an erection on jacking off.” “Right.” It’s not like the old days of a mere three years ago when I could and did jack off with no harm done regardless of whether we might be fucking later. Now it can be hard to get an erection (I can't believe I said that) (yes, I can) and if I come I’ve probably just shot my wad in the foot (I love mixing metaphors) for any action later in the day.

So, in order that I know what’s coming up (ha ha), we go back to our scheme of letting the dice decide our schedule. The dice say Monday morning. That is a really long time from today which is Tuesday. We last fucked on Saturday and I’m at my three-day peak of really feeling the need in my balls. And we’ve just had a really nice emotional warm up talk. So I say it. “I’d fuck you right now.” I drop my pants to show my visual aid. It would be more impressive if I were unleashing a raging hardon but there’s my limp dick dangling, only slightly puffy. But nothing doing. She turns me down flat. Doesn't even hesitate. Says she has to study. As if I don’t “have to” fuck.

If I’m going to jack off, I need a place to do it. Not a place like the old days when I was kind of secretive about it. A place where River can keep an eye on me, so to speak. Jacking off was her idea. I’m sure she’ll help me find an appropriate spot. She suggests one of the chairs in her art studio. I was hoping she’d say that.

Before I start I walk over to her desk and unzip. "Will you highlight me?" She draws a smiley face on my glans with her pink highlighter. Maybe it's a self-portrait.

I grab a paper towel, pull my pants off, and get to work. She’s in the corner studying. I’m not getting as hard as I should, and I could use some lube, but it’s quite a sensation having my cock out and chatting back and forth about her studying while I'm trying to come. It reminds me of how I like to talk about things while we fuck.

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to finish.” “I’ll improve your view.” She drops her pants and sits back down. The view does help. “You’ve got a really nice ass.” “Thank you.” I point out that now that I've posted it, people all over the world have seen it. That turns me on. She stands up and bends over and the view improves even more. So does my erection. I like it that she’s trusting me not to just come over and ram my cock into her. Or she knows I’m not hard enough. I prefer to think she’s being trusting. And ultra-flirty.

But it’s just not happening. I even try her magic wand. I can’t believe she sticks that thing near her clit and gets off in under a minute. It seems like massive overkill. It does feel nice down around my anus but I can only take so much (stop laughing, that's not what I meant).

But between the ED and being on an antidepressant that makes it hard to come, I’m just not going to finish. It turns out they give that stuff to premature ejaculators. It really works. I could fuck all night on that stuff without coming. So I give up. I feel like she feels so many times when she tries but has to give up.

I thank her for letting me jack off in her studio while she studies and let her know that I feel accepted, which, it’s turned out, is one of the reasons why I want to fuck in the first place. Acceptance.