PSA #1: Magic Wand

I haven’t been very good about not blogging. Well, I’ve been pretty good about not blogging, but not so good at not writing. I’ve written about a couple of things since August. One thing I wrote about I sent to a friend, the illustrious and cerebral Lady J. My original intent was simply to ask her whether, as a woman in pursuit of an all-too-elusive orgasm, she had any experience with the Hitachi Magic Wand. But in my usual way I wrote more than I intended, and in her usual way she found more meaning than I thought I put in. She has graciously allowed me to post this from her reply to me:

Thanks for sharing that with me. It really helps to get the male POV. Why not blog this? I really think other women should hear it. It’s good stuff. It could be healing for women who think that men don’t care about women. Who think that all men are assholes and don’t value the delicacy of a woman’s body. Even with all the ups and downs of being in a longterm relationship, you love your wife. That always comes through...

Well. With a reply like that, how could I not blog it?  Here’s what I had written to her:

I got River a Magic Wand a few years back because I wanted to see what all the hype was about. One woman did a video review saying “If you have a clitoris, you need one of these.” I was sold, and put my order in on Amazon.

It arrived a few days later. We were both curious. We plugged it in. That’s right, plugged it in. No batteries here. The thing’s got a powercord that plugs into the wall. Which has been a small bit limiting because our house is fairly old (100 years this year) and doesn’t have as many outlets as modern standards dictate, so we can't always use it in our first choice of locations.

We switched it through both of its settings: “high” and “holy fuck”. I’m not even sure it’s got “off”. The motor is powerful enough to cause snow on old analog broadcast TVs. (I’m dating myself there. Good thing I’m a cheap date.) I could not believe River was going to put that thing anywhere near her clitoris. The little knob I manipulate with my soft fingers in the way she showed me. The button I lave with my tongue. And here’s this industrial vibrator going to wear it down to even more of a nubbin than it already is. How could I possibly have bought this for her? I can’t believe she’s going to buzz herself with it there . . .

It worked. Oh my god it worked. River doesn’t orgasm easily. She always needs manual stimulation, maybe ten minutes worth, or more, and often that doesn’t even work. This thing got her off in under 30 seconds. I wasn’t even sure what had happened. “Did it work?” “Yes.” Damn. “But it happened so fast I almost missed it.” That’s not good. The analogy that comes to mind is taking a sightseeing tour of the Grand Canyon, from north to south in an F-18 on afterburner.

We’ve used it a couple times since. Most recently was a few days ago in the afternoon. This time it took several minutes to do the job. It seemed like it might not work. River wasn’t even sure she could orgasm lately. She’s given up before even when using the wand. But she closed her eyes and concentrated and worked with it while I watched and felt her nipples under her shirt and finally had a really long one that looked and sounded worth the wait.

That really got her going. I got to fuck her in her second one, during which I had my own non-stop “I’m not sure what just happened” orgasm, and we went on to give her several more.